KGW NewsChannel 8 Portland, Ore. – Elderly woman fights off naked invader
PORTLAND, Ore. – The Multnomah County Sheriff's Office said an 88-year-old woman fended off a naked intruder by grabbing the man's crotch and squeezing. Deputy Paul McRedmond said the man got into the house Tuesday through a sliding door. He backed the woman into her living room and pushed her face down onto a chair.
That's when the woman reached behind and squeezed. The man tore free and fled.

It gets better. The guy's name is MICHAEL DICK!!!!!